Boundaries with Teens : When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Dr. John Townsend

Author:Dr. John Townsend [Dr John Townsend]
Format: epub
Tags: General, Religion, Christianity, Christian Life, Christian Life - General, Christian life & practice, Life Stages, Family & Relationships, Christianity: General, Teenagers, Parenting, Religious aspects, Religion - Marriage & Family, Christian Life - Parenting, Child rearing - Religious aspects - Christianity, Teenagers: advice for parents, Teenagers - Conduct of life, Parent And Child, Parent and teenager - Religious aspects - Christianity, Parenting - General, Parent and teenager, Life Stages - Teenagers, Parenting - Religious aspects - Christianity, Child rearing
ISBN: 9780310259572
Publisher: Zondervan
Published: 2009-11-30T12:00:00+00:00

1. Not okay: substandard grades, which will involve a

consequence

2. Okay: acceptable grades, which will result in neither a consequence nor a reward

3. Excellent: indicating extra performance, which will involve a

reward

Then determine specific rewards and consequences for grades,

which can range from monetary and privilege rewards to consequences, such as loss of media, decreased social time, and increased

chores. Write down what you agree to, and post the list on the refrigerator. You may need to refer to this list often. Besides, when it’s in

plain view, your teen will be less likely to argue with you about those

rewards and consequences.

Academic Problems

145

Also let your teen know that good grades are important. For

example, say, “I know you don’t enjoy doing homework. It’s work,

and I didn’t like it either. But it is part of your responsibility, and I

expect at least okay grades from you. I want you to succeed, and I will

provide as much support as I can, but you must do the work.”

Most schools give progress reports halfway between either quarter

or semester reports. These reports give you objective information and

time to help your teen with subjects she may be struggling with.

If grades are a problem with your teen, she likely has an unrealistic view of her success and of what is required. So don’t believe her

perception that she has done her work or has studied enough. Check

it, check it, check it.

Establish a daily structure. If you find your teen doesn’t get to

homework until late or not at all, set up his after-school day so that

he has to get to his assignments early enough. For example, allow him

about thirty minutes to chill out when he gets home from school. Then

tell him it’s time to study. He can’t watch television, be on the phone,

listen to music, or play video and computer games until he has done the

work, including home chores. You want your teen to learn to postpone

having fun until after he has earned it. If he fools around and doesn’t

get to the homework until bedtime, it’s straight to bed when he’s finished. You are the guardian of the schedule and of his sleep routine.

Weekends should involve some study time too. Teens need weekends to relax and be with friends, but schools often assign homework

over the weekend. Remember there are two, not three, weekend nights.

Sunday is a technically a school night, so it’s not a late night.

You Can Do It!

If your teen needs a lot of structure, you may have to put more personal time into her studying than you thought. This may be difficult

if both parents work outside the home, if you are a single parent, or if

you have lots of kids. But even so, your teen’s needs don’t change. She

still needs people, support, and structure. Check with other sources,

such as the school, a church, or a tutoring service to see if they can

provide someone to help your teen stay on task. While a parent is

ideal, anyone caring and competent can help.

146

Boundaries with Teens

Finally, your teen’s lack of motivation or defiance may be beyond

your resources. If

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.